Back in the good old days – when phones plugged into the wall, the internet did not yet exist, and pictures were taken on film which was then developed by awkward Rite Aid employees who you'd never want to see you naked – there was only one way to take X-rated photos of your nubile teenaged body: with a Polaroid camera, a discreet friend, and an awkward smile.
Digital media changed all that! Mostly for the better. BUT, the old way of taking naked pictures still remains highly superior for one reason: you had a chunk of time (i.e. as long as it took for the Polaroid to develop) to decide whether you really, reeeeally wanted to give a picture of your butt to that guy from your English class.
Or at least, whether it might be a good idea to black your face out with a ballpoint pen first.
Now, email-enabled camera phones let you snap a naked photo and send it to anyone, launching your bare ass into digital immortality within a matter of seconds. Which, as with anything that involves teenagers and sex, has resulted in screaming horror from parents, principals and police departments over the….
And their best solution to this rash of cell-phone nudie pics?
Prosecute those involved as child pornographers. Of course.
Yep, that's right, you naked whippersnappers! If you've got a photo of a naked teenager – even if the teenager is you – in the eyes of the law, you are no different from the twitchy mustached perverts featured every week on To Catch a Predator.Oh, it'll all die down. But until it does, just to be safe, you'd better throw your cellphone in the river, wrap your entire body in duct tape, and lock yourself in the closet until you turn 18.