Iguana sex you up

This article is terrific, and I’ll get to that in a minute, but I have to say first that I’m having trouble getting past that subheadline. “Nights and days of the iguana erection” has a certain capital-letters-required ring to it, much like The Last Days of Disco or Seven Years in Tibet, that makes it sound less like what it is (an iguana boner), and more like some sort of hippie-monikered retreat for artists and pot-lovers. One loosely based in principles of eastern religion and founded by really, really west-coast people who used to go to Burning Man, but got angry over its increasing inclusivity of people who spend their non-Burning-Man-moments wearing suits and, god forbid, managing hedge funds.

“Screw Burning Man and its yuppie influx,” they would say. “Nights and Days of the Iguana Erection is so next-thing.”

Anyway, the article itself is pretty limited in scope, which makes sense in a how-much-can-you-really-say-about-iguana-peen sort of way:

BRUSSELS, Belgium - Mozart, an iguana stuck with a permanent erection six days after a mating session at a Belgian zoo, may have to have his penis amputated if the condition does not improve.

"He will see the vet on Thursday," said Enid Balemans, spokeswoman for the Aquatopia Zoo in Antwerp, stressing that veterinarians were still considering alternative treatments.

Good, straightforward reporting. Iguana has boner; amputation is imminent. Reuters, way to go: I applaud this as an exemplary study in the principles of cause and effect.

Readers are later reassured that male iguanas are actually born twice-blessed in the penis department, so those concerned about Mozart’s ultimate well-being (as far as his continued ability to get it on with the lady iguanas) can rest easy, because he’s still packing a spare. I know that I'm relieved.