Peep is risen

My family has always celebrated Easter. I realize now that this is odd for a secular household— without the Biblical elements of the holiday in evidence, my little brother and I grew up believing that Easter was founded on these key principles:

1. the creation of pastel-colored, hard-boiled eggs
2. the hunting of pastel-colored, hard-boiled eggs
3. the throwing of pastel-colored, hard-boiled eggs at each other
4. eating too much ham
5. noticing an unusual smell coming from the living room and alerting Mom, who would then discover a pastel-colored-hard-boiled egg in rotting repose behind the television
6. watching Mom exasperatedly lecture Dad on appropriate locations for egg concealment

So that's my family's Easter-- Bunnies, chocolate, slowly-molding eggs, and NO JESUS.

We liked it that way.

But at the same time as you may be expressing your exasperation at our sugared holiday, I have just as much trouble grasping the observant Christians’ innovative merging of Gruesome Biblical Easter and Commercial Pastel-Colored Easter. How do you combine the resurrection of Christ with bunny rabbits, Peeps™, and pastel-colored and/or Cadbury Crème eggs?

I gave it a lot of thought, but since the idea of a Chocolate Jesus was already taken, I had to try another approach:

Jeepers Peepers!

Later this week: A play-by-play narrative of Easter Brunch with my extended family. At which point you can decide which is more horrifying-- Peep Jesus, or a detailed account of how much hair my uncle has growing in his ear canals.