Warning -- major drama ahead.
Okay, confession: I'm not a nice person.
I have, in fact, never aspired to be "nice". Good-hearted, yes. A loyal friend, absolutely. But nice? No. I don't put much stock in "nice". "Nice" is a word used to describe people about whom there is absolutely nothing else to say. (Tell me, readers: if you died tomorrow, would you want your headstone to read, "S/he was nice"? Because personally, I'd rather have mine say, "She once made someone laugh so hard that a raisin came out of their nose".)
Fuck nice. I'd rather be interesting.
Still, I was surprised when I visited Such Great Heights -- a blog that I like and regularly read, obviously -- and discovered that, as a result of this post (and then, after several hours of bloggy drama, this one), I was being heralded by both the author and her readers as the second coming of Regina George.
Clink did not direct-link to me, because she was "taking the high road". But considering that 1) she had to know I would see her post, and 2) in addition, she had to know that I would see roughly 80 people who not only don't know me, but had never read the posts in question, talking about what a vile bitch I am, I am legitimately questioning Her High-road-ness. To me, stirring up something like this without allowing people to even judge the offending material for themselves is just propaganda (although in this case, the propaganda is tear-stained, tinted pink, and all decked out in organza and lace. Pretty!)
I did post an apology, which, I should note, was approved -- but only after the removal of my (intentionally-provided) name and email address, making the mea culpa completely moot.
So since she won't out me, I'm outing myself.
I am the bitch who said something bad about your girl, Clink. It was ME.
I can tell from my stat tracker that some readers have already found the posts by doing some intelligent googling. Welcome, guys. None of you have left nasty comments or sent me vicious emails, although many of you promised to do so, which makes me wonder if you've read the post about my engagement and realized that there wasn't anything wrong with what was said. Those comments were not about her. They were about my readers (many of whom know me in real life -- I do not write anonymously) wanting this blog, and its voice, to stay the same. That has nothing to do with Clink, and everything to do with my friends liking me the way I am. We should all be so lucky.
And as for the other post? Yes, it was bitchy. That's because I, the author of said post, am a bitch -- insofar as I'm willing to write, uncensored, about things that I find ridiculous. Which include, but are not limited to: frighteningly misguided public art projects, the judgment of a woman politician based on her physical appearance, and the suggestion that one's best friends should be forced to spend $270 on a dress that they will never, ever wear again.
But if doing that makes me "jealous", a "gross whore", or "an asshat"... well then, airing the details of your personal life in the very public arena of the internet, and expecting that people will only react with starry-eyed support and positive feedback, does not just make you (as I would have previously thought) a bit too naive and trusting.
It makes you a fucking idiot.
Which, of course, Clink is not. This is my point. She's a good writer whose personality, voice, and blog happen to be very different from mine. And needless to say, my post about her blog wasn't motivated by hatred or jealousy (although I admit to being jealous of her hands -- she's posted a couple photos of them, and her cuticles are really well cared-for and notably un-chewed). I posted about it because something she wrote made me think, and I thought it would make other people think. That's the reward of good writing; making people think. It is also the risk: sometimes, what they think will be, "What the fuck?!"
You, dear readers--and especially the new ones--are welcome to leave feedback on this post. I don't moderate comments, and I allow you to make them without revealing your identity (even though, as noted, mine is public knowledge). So, speak, if you want to. Tell me I'm a bitch, tell me I'm fabulous, tell me I'm a fabulous bitch. This your forum, and you're welcome to say whatever you want, uncensored and protected by the soft cushion of anonymity.
Just please, for the love of god, do not ask me to be "nice".
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50 comments:
I got kinda rage-y, so I deleted my comment.
I, personally, have never liked her blog. The bridesmaid entry was the icing on the cake. That's my personal preference, whatever. I personally don't get why so many people seem to think she's The Greatest Blogger Eh-Var, but again, that's me (not that I'm all, Marcia Marcia Marcia, I just don't get it). I also don't appreciate that so many people jumped on you, albeit the "anonymous" you. Seriously? Are we in high school?
Team Kat all the way, baby.
I found the blog boring and stupid. Her loyal following proves the world is full of vapid, empty headed cheerleaders.
The world of Kat is much more entertaining.
oh man. i got a hit from someone looking for information about the blogoff. i was wondering what that was about.
I started reading Clink after the original post about the bridesmaid dresses. I enjoy reading it, if only for a good guilty pleasure read. She is a good writer, and there are times when she says things that I completely understand and agree with, and times when she says things that make me say "What the fuck?" and that's all part of the fun.
I'm not here to join Team Kat or Team Clink, although we all know my loyalties lie with Kat; and really, the point of those posts was not to create drama in the blogosphere or to hurt people's feelings. In fact, the instigator in the second post was not even Kat so much as those people - myself included - who left the "Don't become Clink!" comments. Comments that I would argue were mostly left in jest. You didn't do anything except share your opinions, which you're totally free to do, just like she's free to share her opinions on Monique Lhuillier gowns and eating disorders.
And this , dear friend, is why we love you. You are open and honest and REAL. And fucking hilarious, which is why I would follow you into a burning building, as long as you were talking over your shoulder about something funny and entertaining...which is always.
Honestly?
I've been reading Clink for a while, and while I think she's a great writer, I think she'll suffer due to all of the, "you're so wonderful, they're just jealous, they're haters, you're the best, she's a bitch," that her readers blast her with on a daily basis.
After all, we only become better writers (and people) if we listen to the constructive criticism, as well as the praise, and learn from it.
She doesn't get that...
Thank God. Some sense! I read both blogs, I like them both, and I didn't think there was anything remotely mean in either of the posts you wrote. Talk about sensitive. The fact that people were slagging you off when they had no idea what you'd written or who you were, was too much. Now everyone can see for themselves and decide what they want. drama drama drama.
dude, i come from a "i cannot write a personal blog because i get too fucking territorial about my life" but still. if you don't want people to pass judgment on you, DO NOT WRITE A BLOG.
and what the fuck is this "nice" shit? we don't live in a "nice" world. if someone called me "nice" i think i might barf.
but you are far from a bitch. in fact, you the most fabulous sweetiepants i know.
I really dont get why Clink was so upset. First, your posts were not even bad. Second, she is wholly unrealistic to expect that everyone loves her. I enjoy reading Clink, but sometimes what she writes I cannot even fathom. She cannot take criticism at all, which boggles me. Every single one of her commenters is a wanna bee that kisses her ass.
Wow, it's like she sicked a fluffy pink mob on you. A mafia of kittens - hissing, spitting, biting kittens.
i read both blogs and think you guys are both great writers with your own voice and style.
with that being said, thank you for not being just "nice". your blog is the reason i laugh outloud in my cubicle like a crazy person.
I think one of the most ridiculous aspects of this whole thing is that you got engaged, yet instead of being happy for a fellow bride to be, Clink chose to "take the high road" and freak about your personal opinion which you stated on your personal blog.
So congrats to you. Clink aside, may you be whatever kind of bride (and blogger) you wish to be.
You think you're mean? I'll admit that the first time I saw her picture, I was a little shocked by how homely she is. Skinny enough, I suppose, but a major case of the Plain Janes.
I never understood why Clink got so up in arms about your comments. I re-read them and they weren't horribly offensive in the least. You were simply stating that you are an individual and don't want to become like her. What's the big deal?
I really feel like Clink made that post about you so she would feel better when everyone rushed to her defense and called you a bitch.
She has some serious self-esteem issues. Notice how she withdrew herself from the blogging competition she was nominated for? God forbid she didn't win. What would she do then?
Keep writing. You are great. Ignore her and her own insecurities.
@ Anon: I appreciate the support, but let's try to leave Clink's personal appearance out of the equation. Like I said, this is your forum, I don't play dictator, and I don't expect commentary to be all elevated conversations about the parallels between this situation and the work of Evelyn Waugh. But slagging off on a woman's face is like the lowest common denominator of insults, so I'd prefer that we just... not.
Can we make "Team Kat" t-shirts?
I think you're a fabulous bitch. But then, I'm one too, so take it for what it is.
The whole "your blog sucks because you ragged on another blog" thing doesn't hold water for me. If we (bloggers) weren't at all attention whores, the what would the need be for public blogs? The very fact that we put it out there means that people may love you, people may hate you, and some people don't give two shits about you.
Being completely honest and forthright in the blogosphere isn't as common as you think it is- you are a great example of someone who strives to keep it as real as possible. Your blog is awesome. I can't say that I had read hers before all of this started. Now that I have, I can say it's just not my kind of blog. No big deal.
I just think that for Ms. Clink to instigate this (and yes, I thing she started the whole "blog war" thing- you were simply giving an opinion), she really didn't take the high road so much. Letting people leave such awful comments wasn't exactly following that "high road" in my opinion.
But that's just me.
And if none of this makes any sense, blame my brain- it's not functioning so well today.
I think if you were really as brave and wonderful as you seem to think you are, you would have had the guts to post your opinion of her on her blog. Not write a whiny post for attention and validation that you're better and then get whinier because she found it.
You come off as jealous and pathetic. You don't have to be nice to realize that what you did was just a little fucked up and weird.
i wrote this on the other post but now realize it was from october so reposting it here:
i don't think that's outrageous at all. i was a bridesmaid six times and i don't think i ever paid less than $300 a dress. don't really see the big deal -- that's what most formal dresses cost, no? i donated them all to organizations that give them out to underprivileged high school girls for proms after i was done with them and took a charitable deduction on my tax return. not out of the ordinary.
Yawn.
I've never read her blog before, and couldn't get through a full post.
I would much rather read about girls who clog toilets ( I have my own horrifying version of this), and penis exposers.
Hilarious.
You go, girl. And congrats on your engagement.
;)
Hey Anon @ 11.52, since you are talking about having guts--what happen to yours? If anyone is hiding behind a whiny post/comment, it seems to be you. Congrats to you in the brave department
No kidding, Eli. Anon at 11:52, and again at 1:44, are you insane? Formal dresses do NOT need to cost upwards of $300. I am of the age where my friends are starting to marry off, and yet, at the same time, we are also all just starting our careers, finishing up grad school, and the like. We have student loans, car payments, rent, etc. Asking my friends who live month to month to pay $300 for a dress (that they really don't have a say in choosing)is beyond rude, and it is treating friend as banks, not people who mean so much to you that you want them to stand up for you at your wedding. Not to mention it demeans the whole purpose of a wedding. The focus should be on the wedding, not the effing dresses!!
You write that Kat wrote a
"whiny post for attention and validation that [she's] better." I find your comment even whinier and begging for attention and validation. Congrats on donating your dresses, you couldn't sound more desperate for a pat on the back!
I love reading Clink's blog but only because she seems to live in some kind of bizzaro world where everything revolves around Clink and everyone loves Clink.
She can't take any form of criticism. Her comments are flush with people who will jump to her defense because they love her (blindly).
Backing out of the competition? Please.
Her supposed high road? Puhleeze.
Your way? So the high road, way classier. She needs to either delete that post or delete all the comments since they're ALL glowing comments that bash you (blindly, without knowing what was exactly said in that post).
i myself apologized to her for my "don't be a clink" comment because while i don't want anyone to think i am "nice", per se, i also don't like people thinking i am mean. and i hate feeling like i have hurt someone, and i think she was genuinely hurt.
i read both of your blogs and i like both of them. because you both live totally separate experiences that i find entertaining for different reasons. but i also suggested that her commenters not be so quick to judge you when their problem with you was that you were so quick to judge clink, because i did think that was unfair. i think the highest road would have been allowing you to have a say as well.
I've been reading Clink's blog for YEARS now (seriously, since she was a nobody who happened to comment on my friend's blog), so obviously I'm a fan of her writing (if not her sycophantic fans), but I just wanted to say that I'm really happy I "discovered" your blog (terrible circumstances though they were, haha.) Your writing is hilarious.
I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Criticism comes with the territory of being a well-known blogger. I'd rather someone cared enough about something I've written to rant about it than fade into obscurity.
Oh well. Congrats on your engagement and, for what it's worth, you've got a new reader.
I have been an avid reader of Clink's blog for a while, but I think I read it like you do...more out of fascination than real interest in her life. I can relate to her about as much as I can relate to girls on "The Hills." And I can't stand reading comments on her posts anymore...she has such a ridiculous number of devoted readers who ooh and aww over everything she writes - it makes me sick! Especially when she writes about her eating issues and everyone is all, "I can totally relate!" That really scares me.
Anyway, I never read your blog before googling to find it after reading Clink's post, but I'm glad I found it. My initital reaction to this whole thing was just to laugh. :)
Am I so fucking glad I found you/your blog? Um, YES.
You're fantastic. I'd like to buy you a drink regarding this entire situation and then laugh hysterically about it. Particularly how you added the "yes, this is it" to the top of your October post. I wish I could not do any work today and just read through your archives. Is this not acceptable and professional behavior?
I'm another new reader that found you after a bit of googling. I like your blog a lot, and I don't think you were especially mean, but I have to agree with whoever said that she seemed truly hurt by what you said. And sometimes it doesn't matter if you didn't mean to be mean. It matters how someone takes what you've said.
Anyway, the reason I actually wanted to comment was that it might be possible that part of the reason it is so hard to identify with some of clink's writing is because she lives in NYC. $300 here in MN is a hell of a lot more money than it is in New York. And so to me, asking someone to drop that kind of cash on a dress (whether or not you can donate it later) would be way out of line. But maybe in New York it's not??
Obviously I haven't read all of your readers' or your blog enough to know where you are all from to know if that would apply to you too, but it's something to consider. Although, honestly, I don't think I'd be able to ask someone to pay $300 for a dress even if I lived in New York.
Sorry for the book of a comment...
Congratulations on being engaged! And thanks for providing hilarious reading material to pass the time at work.
this drama is just so fun to read about. seriously. thank you.
and @becky? I think kat is from new york. as am i. Still does not make a difference. $300 is way to much.
p.s. you are a fabulous bitch. my kind of girl.
I haven't checked in on Clink since the engagement because I couldn't take another post of "OMG I love The Boy...OMG He's totes cheating on me!" now with super-strength.
I enjoy her writing but the self-destructive trainwreck of not trusting someone was too much.
Plus, as a woman, I really find such obsession with MUST GET ENGAGED/MARRIED OR AM BIG LOSER appalling. Relax, sweetie. Life is short -- you don't have to rush the good stuff.
Oh and the post you can find by googling: clinkny "me me me me" - actually this might have been when the bloom was off the rose for me. She doesn't trust ANY other women and I find it hilarious that she didn't get that maybe... just maybe... other people DON'T want to discuss how great her relationship is and how sad single people are. I think there was maybe one person who didn't champion her and wrote something like, "Wait... you think your roommate is narcissistic because she didn't want to talk about you?"
Anyway, congrats! I'm glad I chose today to see if Clink's engagement was off yet!
i wrote the anon 1:44 post yesterday, but not the one before it. someone seems to have conflated the two. the reason i brought up donating the dresses is not because i want to be congratulated for my charitable works but because most people don't know that you can get money back via your taxes by doing this. you can deduct the full value of the dress. and trust me, i'm not nearly selfless enough to go through the pain in the ass of boxing up and shipping dresses to one of these organizations unless i'm getting cash back for it.
i still want to know where you find bridesmaid dresses under say $250 that aren't uncomfortable or ugly. until someone sends a link i wont believe that they exist.
@ Anon: this isn't really my forte, but I found perfectly bee-maid-esque frocks at $78, $158, and $117.
you're fucking brilliant.
and i think it's pretty damn apparent that you're good-hearted. but hey, i'm just a girl who'd rather be friends with the girl who can make me laugh so hard that a raisin comes out of my nose rather than the girl who all we could think of to say about her was that she was "nice." so maybe that makes me one of the bad guys too.
the last comment you left with the links to the dresses? i'm still laughing. your sense of humor is pretty much making me wet. wait - too much for a first comment?
agreed with damsel!
I am on the outs with the clink ilk too, shall we throw ourselves a teaparty?
I hear clink is into kitten punching... true story...
Clink is starting to scare me. This is why "nice people" freak me out...because chances are, they're repressing their inner bitch.
See her latest post. What does this mean: "My friends would totally help me hide the body." Anyone heard from Kat lately?
Wait, is there really someone in the world who thinks that you can't find a fantastic bridesmaid dress for under THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS???? That hurts my head. We clearly are living in different worlds, Anonymous person.
Anyway, I think Clink has a great blog and I enjoy commenting from time to time. With that said, I'm glad I got to the bottom of this "blog war" nonsense because it introduced me to your blog which I love!
I hope this all blows over soon though, I'm pretty tired of hearing about the whole thing.
I'm just shocked she's doing pink and brown. Did that hit its wedding-color-schme apex in 2003? For all her "fabulous young gal in the city" bluster, that's decidedly tired.
kat, those are adorable. but not technically bridesmaid dresses. meaning, if you have a large bridal party, good luck finding ten of those (ten of anything, really) in ten different sizes. i agree that pink and brown is fugly.
I don't like that this has turned into some sort of Team Clink v.s.Team Kat. You wrote something that hurt her feelings. Maybe she's oversensitive, maybe she overreacted but does it really matter? You hurt her feelings. That is that.
It seems that not everyone here likes Clink's blog. I personally LOVE it. It is my favorite blog. Sure her life is nothing like mine, but I love reading about it and so do MANY other people.
I think it's okay to blog about how you are actually feeling and stuff, just leave other people out of it.
i like brown and pink. a lot.
anon at 4:22
What's the problem? It's totally Team Clink on her page.
Seriously vomit-inducing cheerleading. If one can vomit unicorns and rainbows...
Clink is like those girls that compete on the Bachelor. Really pretty and well-maintained, not necessarily dumb but definitely not intelligent and BORING.
The comment above was removed because it contained Clink's real name. I'm not going to out her on here, guys, so please don't do that. I'm reposting it with that info removed.
jordy said...
team kat all the way to heyday!!
haha.
ok, i admit i read clink and enjoy it but because she's soo narcissistic and super insecure and lives in a world that seems too good to be true...just look at her posts (it's all about money- i paid $500 for concert tickets, we flew to paris after only 4 months of dating etc etc., look at my shiny new ring)...
you'd think that since you just got engaged she'd be all "OMG OMG I"M ENGAGED YOU"RE ENGAGED WE"RE BOTH ENGAGED for real!!!"
but instead, she hates.
not cool.
i'll still read her blog b/c it's amusing and esp. amusing is that she disabled comments on her last post (which reads: my life is NOT perfect, yet she never gives one example or instance of that- indeed it IS perfect clink and there's nothing wrong with that, but when you and M divorce and he takes you to the cleaners b/c your dad is a millionaire it will be ugly).
ps- her name is [redacted].
and kat- you're hilarious. i don't think you did anything wrong, you're just expressing your opinion and you even apologized.
cheers
"He was nice" would be quite fitting actually
I'm sure it would make people laugh and wonder generations down the line
BY THE WAY, i JUST REREAD THIS. It was awesome. even almost two years later.
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