Okay, complete the following sentence.
This woman is...
a) Malibu Barbie
b) the illegitimate child of Pamela Anderson and a snake
c) what your mother has nightmares about when you tell her you're "bringing your new girlfriend home for Thanksgiving"
d) Chelsea, the infamous blog plagiarist
e) all of the above
... Shit. I made it too easy, didn't I.
Yes, that's right -- the mess above is Malibu Viper Nightmare Blog Stealer Chelsea, who made waves all over the internet yesterday when a bunch of people (including me) discovered en masse that she'd been copying their posts and attempting to pass them off as her own. It was incredible. Drama! Intrigue! The fabulous photo above! Which a person with more restraint would probably have not posted!
(Note to those who would chastise me for not displaying the aforementioned restraint: You must be kidding. Have you met me?)
Alas, her blog has since been deleted-- most likely by the Google Police. Her legacy, however, will live on forever.
The plagiarized bloggers were, by turns, understandably upset, inspired, and bemused. I, myself, experienced a range of emotions that started out with abject rage --
scene: My apartment, 8:00 am
Kat: (screaming and thrashing around at computer) What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!
...followed by several hours indulged in the concoction of elaborate revenge fantasies. My favorite was a reinterpretation of an early scene from Terminator, in which I imagined myself knocking on Chelsea's door, confirming her identity (Kat: Chelsea? -- Chelsea: (cautiously) Yes?), and then, with no further explanation, punching her in the mouth.
Ultimately, I landed somewhere in the land of bafflement.
scene: My apartment, 8:00 pm
Kat: (hand cupped to chin in thoughtful contemplation while puffing a meerschaum pipe) I am rather surprised that anyone would have the time, let alone the inclination, to put so much effort into an activity which is not only morally bankrupt, but yields neither money nor recognition for its perpetrator. Couldn't she have just taken up knitting?
Which seems like a good place to stop, especially in deference to the wishes of my mom (who has urged me to waste no time analyzing the indubitable emptiness of Chelsea the Plagiarizer's life, and just "have fun tossing the carcass around", which all adds up to further proof that my mom is both wise AND awesome). I can't even find the energy to be pissed off.
I could, however, find the energy to create this lovely tribute in MS Paint.
What can I say? I'm a creative soul.
And it's suddenly struck me that all of this, at base, is a really good excuse to go shopping.