Greetings.

Back in the early days of Pink India Ink, before I made the bold choice to whip off my pants my mask of internet anonymity and display my horrifying true visage for all to see, I decided to create an email address specifically for the blog. And boy, am I ever glad I did, because today I get to share with you the greatest piece of fan mail I have ever received.

Seriously, it is like the gift that keeps on giving -- beginning with the perky-yet-totally-innocuous subject line of "Hello!"

From: [redacted for the general benefit of mankind]
Date: Thu, Dec 4, 2008 at 7:23 AM
Subject: Hello!
To: "pink.india.ink@gmail.com"

Hello!

I' ve seen your photos with a shenis. My sexual fantasy would be to see pics of you and your blonde girl friend using shenis in a sexy way (topless). Only if you are adults, of course.

P.S: I like more the black shenis.

Greetings.

Well.

Dear sir,
Let me begin by saying that I greatly admire your ability to cut through the bullshit and get straight to the heart of the matter. No, "I was reading your blog, and.." or, "I recently got out of prison, and..." or, "I was trolling the internet for lady pee-porn, not for myself, but for a friend who happens to be paralyzed from the eyebrows down, and..." -- NO. You just throw it all out there, unabashed. Good for you.

Furthermore, I must commend you for your exceptional conscience and restraint in suggesting that you would like to see me and my girlfriend peeing through the Shenis while topless... but only if we are adults. Thank God you provided that essential caveat. I mean, without it, your email would have been nothing less than a completely random and astoundingly creepy sexual solicitation of a complete stranger! My, but you certainly dodged that bullet, sir! Well done!

But alas, it is with the greatest regret that I must inform you that -- despite your having so kindly provided me with the useful-if-not-100%-syntactically-correct information that you "like more the black Shenis" -- I do not, in fact, own a black Shenis. I own a Shenis in military green -- lovely, to be sure, but sadly out of line with your rather particular request. I confess that I am surprised you even asked, given that you claim to have already seen pictures of my Shenis and were undoubtedly aware of this little problem... but perhaps you are colorblind. You poor dear.
At any rate, thank you so very much for writing. All my best to your family.

Which I sincerely hope does not include any daughters, nieces, or female cousins.