In case you're not familiar with this venerable institution of time-sucking programming, we're talking about HP Movies 1 through 4 -- Sorcerer's Stone to Goblet of Fire -- which, all told, equals about 12 hours of immersion in the wizarding world.
And it is AWESOME.
This weekend, at least, we've both been stricken with some sort of horrible flu-like bug which includes symptoms such as Sneezing, Sniffling, and Mucus-Leaking Head Which Weighs Approximately Nine Hundred Pounds. So the fact that we both spent a full 48 hours lying around and staring glassy-eyed at the television whilst blowing little snot-bubbles out of our noses is at least somewhat forgivable. (70-degree weather or not, I'd like to see you try playing frisbee in the park when your only choice is to become a mouth-breather or risk suffocation.)
Anyway, what I'm saying is, we do a lot of Harry Potter in this house. We've watched the movies, we've read the books, and we own multiple copies of each -- which makes it possible for us to enjoy such novelties as, say, a permanently installed copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (which, btw, is the best of the series) in our bathroom.
And this is how we -- as a couple -- came to discern a serious problem with Harry Potter (and the Whatever with the What-have-you) as realized on film.
Note: Anyone who is unfamiliar with or disinterested in Harry Potter mythology should probably clear out now.
Okay, are all the uber-nerds still here? Great. Here's my problem, with numerical organization:
1. In the HP Chronology, Harry's parents met whilst attending school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry -- which, as we all know, graduates its students at the age of 17.
2. Furthermore, many of the main characters in the series, including Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape, are understood to have been at Hogwarts at that same time.
3. The rise and fall of the uber-evil Lord Voldemort occurred within a couple years of all these various characters' graduation from Hogwarts.
4. Therefore, Harry Potter's parents -- at the time of their murders by Voldemort, when Harry was an infant -- could not have been more than, say, 21 years old (assuming they married at 18 and, y'know, took a couple years to enjoy each others' company before reproducing)...
5. ...and the friends left alive (Lupin, Pettigrew, Black, et al) would all be in their early-to-mid thirties as the story continues 10 years later.
Why, then, do Harry Potter's dead-at-21-years-old parents look like this?
Either Lily and James Potter were some seriously hard-livin' teenagers, or somebody in the casting department failed to do their research.
Also -- since when do these guys, who are all supposed to have been at school at the same time, pass for thirty-somethings?
Seriously? Seriously?!! Alan Rickman is like 70 years old. He could be in AARP!
I can't decide what's worse: The fact that the director cast a bunch of old people in roles meant to be played by virile youngish adults... or the fact that I am dorky enough to notice.
23 comments:
how do you know voldemort killed harry's parents 4 years after they graduated? i was always under the impression that it was more like 10.
Must be a magical trade off. You can ride a broom, but you're going to look 10 years older.
@ Anon -- There's a scene in Book 7 where Harry visits the graves of his parents, where the gravestones say that they were born in 1960 and died in 1981. Hence the timeline. Carry on with nerdy debate!
OMG you're right! That's some good detective work right there.
This makes me want to permanently camp out in your apartment, snot bubbles and all.
I thought that the last time the chamber of secrets was opened was 50 years ago, when Hagrid was there and when Dumbledore was only slightly less old....there's inconsistency somewhere...
Oh seriously good work! I don't even notice! Someone shouls make petitions and ask them formally. OMG. It's true. They should be younger, all of them.
I didn't read the books, but I am a big fan of the movies. (Usually I read the books when there is a book-movie deal like this, but I only became interested in it all when my nephew became obsessed with the movies.) So I had no idea of these details....that is really stupid, why didn't they make them all younger!?
Yes, I was surprised to learn that Harry Potter, were he real, and around today, would be 29 years old. Born in 1980.
I, for one, plan to look like Alan Rickman in a year when I turn thirty.
Yes, readers, I'm the EXACT SAME AGE as Harry Potter. I know you're all jealous.
I was with Anon in my assumption that Voldemort had a lot of years under his evil power belt but the gravestone...nice work. Casting from a timing perspective is a shitshow but can you imagine someone other than Rickman for Snape? Sirius and Lupin are really the only ones with premature aging excuses, what with Azkaban, demontors and werewolvism.
J gave me DVD's 1-5 for Christmas and we watched the new trailer no less than 4 times Saturday night. J's mom took the Hogwarts Express train tour through Scotland. I planned a Harry Potter themed dinner party the week after #7 came out with Quidditch (Shepard's) Pie, Sticky Toffee Pudding and butterbeer.
In good company for nerdery, darling.
dude. i have little interest in the hp movies and even less in the books, but this disturbs me greatly. guess you can be a total nerd without liking hp!
wait, so they're only in their early 30s? and so bitter and ugly already?? I've got to get to the gym and eat some more antioxidants or 30 is going to be AWFUL.
PS I think the visual is supposed to give them cues, even if it isn't accurate. i think the movie was aimed at children, and in a child's mind anyone over the age of 30 looks exactly like that. It would have been confusing for them to see someone who is only a few years older than them play a mother.
Plus, we don't want to give them ideas! Babies having babies, and all that! :op
omg i'm such a harry potter nerd and i never noticed that!
Watching 4 on DVD. Look what you did.
hey....i never noticed that!....(yo)u (a)r(e) so damn right....those brackets are there because i tend to write in short cuts which uv blown apart pretty thoroughly in your previous entries...
Can I just say.. I secretly love harry potter as well : )
wow... that is some serious HP obsession... i mean i just read the books coz they're fun and u know.. a good escape.. the movies are beyond me tho.. ruined alot of the images i had from the books. especially for pettigrew and harry's parents... ur right... they're way too old..
oh my gosh, i just found your blog and you are now one of my favorite people ever. i want to go to hogwarts!
Note: Anyone who is unfamiliar with or disinterested in Harry Potter mythology should probably clear out now.
I stopped reading after that. I HATE Harry Potter. And that's the nicest thing I can say about those books and movies.
Wow, I had totally not noticed that, but it makes complete sense. I'm willing to believe that it was one of those book-to-film compromises (like how they cast a really, really cute girl as Hermione, even though in the beginning of the series it talks a lot about how homely she is). I mean, Alan Rickman may be really old. but he effing rocks out as Snape, so I'm willing to believe that in movie-HP-land, a lot more time passed between the parents' generation's graduation and Voldemort taking over than what happened in book-HP-land.
And I know I'm like a month late in reading this. I just found you and am getting caught up :)
First off kudos for the good detective work. But I just want to point out that Alan Rickman is 65 not 70 and he was 54 when the movies first came out. I think he made a wonderful Severus!!!! And my mum agrees. Out of all the characters Alan's came the closest to what I pictured his character Snape to look and act like from reading the books (way before the movie came out). Yes maybe a little older looking. But still simply divine.
I'm surprised so many people think this is nerdy or deep detective work. Anyone who read the books should have noticed that the actors that play Harry's parents are too old.
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