In which I brag shamelessly.

Let me start by saying that, as a general rule, I have always been seriously annoyed by women who use their blogs, facebook pages and Twitter status as platforms for public declaration of how awesome their husbands are. (If you’re one of these, I’m sorry… but really. REALLY.) There’s something so sad about the contingent of ladies who think that the most useful thing they can do with their little corner of the internet is to post photos of their uncomfortable-looking spouses accompanied by captions like, “Walter is the smartest man I know!” They are one step removed from the people who can’t help but shriek at you about the “amazing”, astronomically mundane accomplishments of their children, except worse, because I can at least understand that you might take pride in someone’s having learned not to eat crayons when the person in question made his way into the world through your vagina.

But Walter? No. If Walter wants to talk about how smart he is, let him start his own damn blog.

However:

Two nights ago, on the way home from the subway, Brad was accosted by a group of neighborhood youths. As is typical of these sorts of encounters, one of them threw an elbow in passing, Brad gave the elbow-thrower a Look, and within a few seconds my husband was surrounded by Dirtbag McFightyPants and his band of delinquent assholes, fielding demands that he hand over his wallet immediately or suffer an epic beatdown.

At which point the following exchange occurred:

Brad: You want my wallet? Well, you’re gonna be disappointed, because there’s no money in it. But if you want it, then why don’t you try to come and get it.

(McFightyPants began to raise his fists.)

Brad: And then, I’ll EAT YOUR FUCKING FACE.

(McFightyPants and friends flee.)



So okay, Brad may not be the smartest man in the world – as terrifying as the prospect of face-eating is, I’m not sure it’s a failsafe defense against being mugged – but seriously?

My husband is AWESOME.