Last week, as I was sitting at my desk and staring out at the dismal landscape of eastern Queens, I found myself fretting over this blog. After years of posting with semi-regularity -- years in which I almost never suffered for a lack of subject material -- I suddenly found that the well had run dry. Life had become staid. My marriage, my dog, my job -- none were providing me with anything approaching a blog-worthy event, and not only that, the vast majority of our office had gone off for an extended stay in China, leaving me with not even the possibility of a maddening encounter with Fuckface Ravioli to supply a few cheap laughs.
Damnit, I thought to myself, if only something interesting would happen!
So I only have myself to blame, really, for the fact that Fuckface Ravioli returned from China yesterday and immediately called me into his office.
"Soooo," he said, folding his hands in front of him gravely, "as you know, I spent a couple weeks in China with Company Honchos Number One and Two."
"Right," I said.
"Aaaaand," he continued, "the company is having some trouble, and Company Honchos Number One and Two have decided to make a few cutbacks."
"I see," I said.
Fuckface Ravioli looked like he was about to cry.
"And they, er, want to eliminate your position."
At this point, my response was more like a series of grunts than actual words.
"I'm sorry!" Fuckface Ravioli said. "I'm doing everything I can to get them to reconsider! I really like working with you! And this place is just so--"
"Excuse me," I said. "Sorry, but they want to eliminate the position? So that would be happening..."
"Oh," said Fuckface Ravioli, and this time, I started to think he might actually cry. "Yeah, that would be... um, on Friday."
At which point, I realized that:
1. Considering that he's been fighting to keep me employed, I should probably stop calling this guy Fuckface Ravioli.
2. Wistfully wishing that something "interesting" would happen to you is the same basic equivalent as begging Fate to bite you in the scrotum.
3. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
Also:
"God damnit!" I shouted, as I collapsed back into my desk chair several minutes later. "Am I going to just lose my job every time I take a vacation from now on?!"
So, yeah, that happened. (As always, anyone who needs a writer, or knows someone who does, is welcome to email me. That little link in the sidebar will take you to a [newly-updated!] website with samples of my work.) Meanwhile, I'd continue in this vein, but I have more important things to do. Like, say, drinking all the beer in my fridge and shouting a lot.
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15 comments:
Yeah, writing/publishing is taking a hit in this economy, and us slightly artistic, really intelligent writer-types are feeling it. I wish you luck.
You have to be shitting me. Between you and Elle Michelle, I don't know what to think. I'm so sorry doll. Prohibition era cocktails on me in a matter of weeks.
Bleargh! Sorry that happened to you. I lost my publishing-related job back in April under similar circumstances, except I was in a room full of 6 people who were all eliminated at once, immediately, 3 pm on a Thursday. Yuck. Best of luck finding your new direction.
Time to get competent. I kid.
I don't know if Fuckface needs to be kicked in his money maker, but someone needs to get it- hard.
I volunteer me to do the duties. It would be my honor, sweets.
Dammit! What is it with the post-vacation lay offs for you? Seriously! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
Just thought I'd help you scream a little, since I can't buy you a beer.
This is horse vagina.
As is the fact that we have yet to hang out. Wtf.
Let's try again, please.
ugh, that fucking fuckface! let's drink consolatory wine if we get a chance to hang out in nyc on the 19th or 20th. hang in there.
ouch. Sorry to read that! On the upside, at least you managed to stay employed through a recession. We're on the upswing now, aren't we?
Damn! I'm sorry this happened.
Fuuuuuck.
I have faith that you will find something, since you are clearly talented (just took a gander at your portfolio...LOVE the Crunch ad.)
You might want to give this a shot: http://chrismohney.tumblr.com/post/218289877/the-nightman-cometh
Oh shit, I'm sorry. You really need to stop going on holiday.
Karma will decide that Fuckface will have an M80 firecracker blow half of his face off this coming July 4th...wait for itttttttt....
When one door closes, another one opens up. Sorry that happened to you. I spent a week compiling hire letters and job descriptions at my job for our new Chief Operating Officer and then they laid off one of the women in my department who had been doing a decent job and I was very upset. They distributed her responsibilities to the remaining workers. You know, they restructured the organization. They decided the numbers were more important than the people. So I told one of my coworkers why don't you lay me off and do the work yourself? She said no your job is too important. They've laid off maybe 25% of the workforce where I work since the recession hit us. I work in a nonprofit agency that promotes and advocates for people with mental illness. I'll pray for your getting a bigger and better job asap.
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