Every 28 days, like clockwork, I get what is known as a "menstrual migraine". It's exactly what it sounds like, and it is decidedly not fun. A throbbing, pulsing headache that wraps my skull from front to back -- with a couple vise-like fingers on my neck, for good measure -- that makes me nauseous, weak, and sensitive to light, sound and smell. It lasts, unabated, for at least three days. And it hurts.
It hurts a lot.
If this condition had a slogan, I imagine it would be something like:
MENSTRUAL MIGRAINE! WHEN BLEEDING COPIOUSLY FROM YOUR VAGINA JUST ISN'T ENOUGH!!!
Sometimes, when the throbbing start to affect my vision, I get scared and call Brad at work to alert him that I may or may not be dying, and to say that if he comes home to discover my lifeless corpse lying on the bed, would he please do the favor of putting some pants on my body before he calls the police.
Advil helps, but only to take the edge off; it is nothing like a solution. There is no choice but to endure. And cry, occasionally.
Anyway, as I was lying here -- incapacitated by headache, hemorrhaging from my ladyplaces, tossing back Advil like candy, and sipping from a tumbler of Johnny Black because I might be bedbound and in my underwear, but I'll be damned if I let my stupid period ruin all my fun -- I started to wish that it were physically possible to just remove everything that hurts.
Temporarily, I mean.
A sort of interim hysterheaderectomy, wherein I could take off the offending bits and just put them somewhere else -- like the refrigerator, or maybe in a storage unit out in New Jersey -- and retrieve them later, when they'd decided to behave.
And then I realized that there's a reason why they tell you not to mix Advil with scotch.
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11 comments:
I think women by default should be allowed paid days off from work when that time rolls around.
I feel sorry for the women who get brutal cramps.
Ugh, I feel for you. At one point my doctor switched my BC pill and I ended up with twice-monthly hormonal migraines -- once during my period, and once in the middle of my cycle just for kicks. I'd highly suggest seeing a doctor about a migraine medicine, but if you don't want to do that, have you tried Excedrin migraine? Somehow the caffeine helped me. Also, Tylenol PM, because it will knock you out and help you sleep through the pain.
I agree with Shannon. As one of those women who gets cramps that often result in my being bedridden for days on end, I think we should all get PTO for having our periods.
Screw the Advil crap. Quit messin around and find a doctor who is free with his prescription pad and get some narcodic pain relievers and/or muscle relaxers. I have totally been in your place...and I know your pain. I have little wisdom to offer the world but this. If the doctor gives pain killers to you, ALWAYS take them.
100% with shannon - and if it were possible to 'sync' all the women in our office we could do away with that week where it is impossible for us males to do anything right!
(i love the thoughts of johnnie black & pain killers....been there)
Why don't you skip it with the pill? I haven't had a period in at least a year and it's friccin' wonderful. I checked with my doctor that that was ok, and she said no problem at all.
Uh huh. Skip the pussy Advil and go for the big guns. Get thee to a doctor and get him/her to prescribe you a healthy dose of Imitrex. Never mind the I can feel the blood rushing through my veins bit right after you take the medicine. It takes the pain away in 20 minutes!! From one migraine sufferer to another.
Shannon is a genius, women should totally not be at work during that time. Speaking as someone who gets awful cramps AND migraines, I've got to echo everyone else--get prescriptions from your doc. I have one for migraines and one for cramps (it's basically a slightly stronger Aleve but it does help). The migraine meds changed my life though.
I used to have menstrual migraines that sound a lot like yours. The worst part for me was the screwing with my vision crap. That part always came before the headache and drove me crazy. Once I switched the birth control I was taking, they went away. (And all I did was switch from brand name to generic.) I was so freaked out by the vision part that I went to see a neurologist and had my head scanned and everything. Relpax works for the headaches, but seriously, try switching your pill.
Hey guys! Thanks for all your suggestions. (Sorry to say that I've already tried most of them with no success -- this has been going on for like 10 years so I think I'm probably stuck with it. But I am impressed at what a fount of useful info you all are.)
I say keep experimenting with the scotch. Fuck it. 'Tis the season.
aww. that sucks. I noticed that smoking totally amps up the menstrual migraines. I don't know if you do smoke, but if you quit, it might help :)
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