Ordinarily, I'd come back after a month-long hiatus with apologies galore for my absence. I don't like to neglect the blog. But this time around, I'm bypassing the apologies and going straight to Get Used To It -- because my non-appearance here will probably be the norm for at least another couple months.
I'd parlay this off on my being busy, which I am, but in the interest of being transparent... yeah.
I'm having a hard time.
This winter has brought on not just the usual slush, but the recurrence of this really awesome condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is a special sort of clinical depression that only comes around in the winter. Or you might know it by its acronym, "SAD", which really belongs on a list of Abbreviations That Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time But Are, In Fact, Really Stupid.
"OOOOOOOH!" the psychiatrists who first discovered this probably shouted. "We'll call it Seasonal Affective Disorder, and then, we can shorten it to SAD! Which is exactly how you feel when you have it! It's genius!" -- And never realizing, in their excitement, that you can't go around saying, "I have SAD" without giving the impression that you are not clinically depressed, but rather mentally deficient.
But anyway. Instead of doing anything remotely blog-worthy -- or even leaving the house -- I've spent the past two months indulging in such fun and interesting activities as Lying In Bed Feeling Hopeless, Not Showering For Days At A Time, and Spontaneously Crying For No Reason.
Sexy, right? Yeeeeeeah.
Also sexy: the preferred treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder, which doesn't involve any actual medication, but rather a) a bright lightbulb, which you b) sit in front of and stare at for four hours a day.
"I'm sorry, did you say four hours a day?" I said.
"It boosts your mood by mimicking exposure to the sun," said my doctor.
"But it's a lightbulb."
"Yes."
"You want me to sit in front of a lightbulb for four hours a day."
"Yep."
The wikipedia entry for Seasonal Affective Disorder includes a note that says, "One study has shown that up to 69% of patients find lightbox treatment inconvenient."
I can't imagine why.
So, I won't be investing in a specialized lightbulb this winter. Not just because I have no place to put it and no time to stare at it, but because this whole setup would put me way too close on the spectrum of Crazy to those people who watch electronic snow on their televisions because they think that it contains messages from aliens.
Anyway, it's fine. The world seems like a cold, horrible, hopeless place right now, but intellectually, at least, I know that it won't last. Spring will come, the days will get longer, the snow will melt, and the SAD will leave me alone and go torment some poor bastard in the southern hemisphere.
And in the meantime... bourbon.
Lots and lots of bourbon.
10 comments:
I'm right there with you, toots. Mountains of snow, graygraygray days, cold...
Ugh.
Most days I'm impressed with myself if I manage to wake up before 10 and put on something other than sweatpants. Usually I actually like winter, but this year I'm counting the seconds until green grass and sunshine.
You know- sometime around July in MN.
:)
i have friends who have the specialized lightbulb and swear by it. i have other friends who choose to go tanning instead. long story short, you should sit in front of a bulb. it's better than not showering for days!
Oh, I feel for you. My college boyfriend had SAD, and he was miserable for most of the year because Virginia Tech is in the Bermuda Triangle of winter weather -- I swear winter lasts longer there than anywhere else on the East coast. He went tanning on a regular basis and it helped some, but he eventually ended up moving back to Georgia, then to South Carolina, and now he's in southern Texas. The boy was not meant to live anyplace with seasons.
At any rate, hang in there -- put on your favorite sweatpants, pull out your favorite bourbon, and snuggle with the pets. Pets make everything at least a little bit better.
My uncle has a deep blue screen, which is pretty counterintuitive as it emits a dark blue light. Talk about the blues.
Suggestions: you're a writer, you could be writing from anywhere with internet access. like, Miami. Or South America. Or the Caribbean.
I think a few weeks away will do more than a depressing bare bulb will. Probably not much more expensive than an overpriced SAD light either.
Do you have any space in New York with artificially adjusted tropical light? I swear by the Montreal Biodome Tropical Rainforest room when I get the winter blues.
My sister and brother both have one. They were told 20 minutes a day. Much more doable!! I'll tell you though, that sucker is BRIGHT!
We have the light in front of the treadmill at my house, so you have both exercise endorphins and the light to help you out.
interesting...i've never heard of SAD before.
....and what of the 31% of people that did not find staring at a light bulb inconvenient???
(i'll miss your blogging, it makes me smile - good luck!)
If you are at your desk or somewhere for long-ish periods of time, you could have one of those lamps sitting there. OR they make visors with full-spectrum bulbs on the underside (the light needs to hit your retina to be really effective, so you want the light near your eyes more than anywhere else). Plus, it's a VISOR. So, uh, win-win. Obvi.
the psychologist says: come visit seattle! turn your sad into glad :) hang in there.
Let's see... Working from home + friend in sunny Florida = working vacation.
Just sayin'. Open invitation.
For real. xo
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