Ordinarily, I'd come back after a month-long hiatus with apologies galore for my absence. I don't like to neglect the blog. But this time around, I'm bypassing the apologies and going straight to Get Used To It -- because my non-appearance here will probably be the norm for at least another couple months.
I'd parlay this off on my being busy, which I am, but in the interest of being transparent... yeah.
I'm having a hard time.
This winter has brought on not just the usual slush, but the recurrence of this really awesome condition called Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is a special sort of clinical depression that only comes around in the winter. Or you might know it by its acronym, "SAD", which really belongs on a list of Abbreviations That Seemed Like A Great Idea At The Time But Are, In Fact, Really Stupid.
"OOOOOOOH!" the psychiatrists who first discovered this probably shouted. "We'll call it Seasonal Affective Disorder, and then, we can shorten it to SAD! Which is exactly how you feel when you have it! It's genius!" -- And never realizing, in their excitement, that you can't go around saying, "I have SAD" without giving the impression that you are not clinically depressed, but rather mentally deficient.
But anyway. Instead of doing anything remotely blog-worthy -- or even leaving the house -- I've spent the past two months indulging in such fun and interesting activities as Lying In Bed Feeling Hopeless, Not Showering For Days At A Time, and Spontaneously Crying For No Reason.
Sexy, right? Yeeeeeeah.
Also sexy: the preferred treatment for Seasonal Affective Disorder, which doesn't involve any actual medication, but rather a) a bright lightbulb, which you b) sit in front of and stare at for four hours a day.
"I'm sorry, did you say four hours a day?" I said.
"It boosts your mood by mimicking exposure to the sun," said my doctor.
"But it's a lightbulb."
"Yes."
"You want me to sit in front of a lightbulb for four hours a day."
"Yep."
The wikipedia entry for Seasonal Affective Disorder includes a note that says, "One study has shown that up to 69% of patients find lightbox treatment inconvenient."
I can't imagine why.
So, I won't be investing in a specialized lightbulb this winter. Not just because I have no place to put it and no time to stare at it, but because this whole setup would put me way too close on the spectrum of Crazy to those people who watch electronic snow on their televisions because they think that it contains messages from aliens.
Anyway, it's fine. The world seems like a cold, horrible, hopeless place right now, but intellectually, at least, I know that it won't last. Spring will come, the days will get longer, the snow will melt, and the SAD will leave me alone and go torment some poor bastard in the southern hemisphere.
And in the meantime... bourbon.
Lots and lots of bourbon.
